Published in Jerusalem Post (Original article)
“My father was my entire world. It was through the support of OneFamily that I felt there was somebody to check on me,” says Shira Mark-Harif, whose father was killed in a terror attack.”
Pedaya Mark z”l (circled on top) and his counselor, Shilo Rochwarger z”l (circled below Pedaya) killed on October 7, taken at OneFamily Summer Camp for bereaved children. (photo credit: One Family)
On Monday, May 13, sirens will sound again in observance of Yom Hazikaron, Israel’s Remembrance Day for the fallen soldiers and victims of terror, reopening the wounds of the thousands who are reeling in the aftermath of the horrific October 7 massacre and ongoing war with Hamas. For Shira Mark-Harif, this day symbolizes the endless cycle of loss and pain that she has endured for more than eight years.
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In 2016, at the age of 24, Shira was a new mother of two living in Har Hevron, surrounded by her large, enveloping family, 9 siblings and loving parents, when her entire world came crashing down. On July 1, 2016, Shira’s father, Rabbi Miki Mark was driving his car along Route 60, along with his wife and two of his children, when terrorists opened fire, killing Miki and injuring Shira’s mother and two siblings. Her mother suffered extensive brain damage, leaving Shira, the second oldest child, to assume the role of the primary guardian for her younger four siblings.
With her life shattered and faced with the impossible task of now caring for six children, along with her mother, Shira began to lose herself.
A support session for widows. (Credit: One Family)
“My father was my entire world, but because I was over the age of 21, I fell through the cracks,” Shira shares, just ahead of Yom Hazikaron, adding that aside from basic support as a foster parent and emotional therapy, she was not entitled to any other support from the Israeli government, “It was through the support of OneFamily that I felt that there was somebody to check on me, to feel connection and that community has helped me build strong lifelong friendships.”
Founded in 2001 by Marc and Chantal Belzberg and inspired by their daughter after the Sbarro Suicide Bombing, OneFamily steps up where others do not bring together Israel’s victims of terror into one, national, self-supportive family. For Shira, like the more than 7,200 families supported by the organization since 2001, it helped her find herself again.
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Understanding the emotional complexities of the families of the victims of terror, OneFamily took the initiative to gradually reach out to Shira and her siblings, first attending the shiva of her father, and then over time developing a budding relationship that has turned into the central force that has allowed the Mark family to continue living.
“At first, it is just chaos,” she recalls. “I had no idea what I needed, but OneFamily continued to reach out and provide us with everything we needed.”
“My mother and I began to attend ceramics classes in Jerusalem and group activities with other families of victims of terror,” Shira explains, adding that her mother continues to travel two hours to Jerusalem from their new home in the Golan Heights each week just so she does not miss a single ceramics class. “They truly see you, and give us strength, the ability to breath and a connection with the larger community.”
But unfathomable tragedy struck again, just two and a half years after the death of her father, as Shira’s oldest brother, Shlomi, was killed in a traffic accident while on his way to work at the Prime Minister’s office in 2019.
“The hardest part is how everything in my life fell apart, slowly got back together, and then fell apart again. Even when you are surrounded by family in mourning, you still feel alone. There is something freeing about being with others who have experienced similar pain,” Shira explains, still smiling in the face of unimaginable tragedy through the support she has continued to receive through OneFamily over the course of eight years,
“For my younger sisters and the children of my brother, OneFamily has been the most impactful thing in their lives,” she says. “They have so much support and have made so many friends, attending summer camps and shabbatons, and I know that this is a place where they can share things that they cannot share anywhere else. It is like a home, a place you can always count on.”
In the days following the October 7 attacks, Shira’s shared pain compelled her to take her professional experience as a clinical social worker to support the community of Kibbutz Kfar Aza, only to find her life torn apart yet again as her younger brother, Pedayah, a platoon commander with the Givati Brigade, was killed in a rocket explosion in Gaza on October 31.
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“Maybe it is because I have spent so many years in mourning, but I could recognize myself within all this,” Shira says.
“Last week, I cried for days, but I know that it is OK too,” Shira adds of OneFamily’s annual Remembrance Day Ceremony, which will take place May 12 in Jerusalem’s International Convention Center to a sold-out audience.
Shira, who will be one of the featured speakers, shares that each year OneFamily community members have a tradition of sitting together with a beer, as they laugh and cry, comfort each other and provide a safe space to process their complex emotions, as Remembrance Day reopens the fresh wounds felt by millions around the world.
While OneFamily has created a model for national support in the face of terrorism, a stark reality that many Western countries do not share, more than 60,000 Israelis have joined the list of victims of terror will statistically leave thousands to fall through the cracks, just as Shira would have without the immediate response of the organization.
This article was written in cooperation with OneFamily.
A mindfulness dance workshop by the lake. (credit: TAL LEVY)
That is exactly the point, according to Secret Forest owner Yoni Kahana. A Chabadnik, he bought the beautiful complex in the Cyprus mountains last year. On October 6, just before the war, the resort hotel was booked solid for the next few months. On October 7, everything changed.
Kahana started hosting survivors of the Supernova festival massacre, offering a therapeutic environment, mountain hikes, and a place for them to de-stress. Since October 7, he’s hosted more than 1,000 survivors of the Supernova and hundreds of bereaved parents for retreats like this one.
The complex is beautifully designed and encourages contemplation. I am an early riser, and when I sat outside on my balcony sipping coffee, the only sounds I heard were the birds chirping. One morning I took a walk in the forest with OneFamily board member Michal Cotler-Wunch.
There is a Wellness Center that offers yoga, Pilates, and meditation. There is a fantastic spa with thermal water pools both inside and outside, and excellent massages.
And the food. I am a big foodie, and Secret Forest has a farm-to-table dairy and fish menu, where almost everything is local. The cheeses are made in the village next door. The vegetables are grown in the hydroponic greenhouse. The food was plentiful, well prepared, and quite healthful. There are no soft drinks served at the resort, so the free-flowing wine did compensate somewhat.
“It’s all about rejuvenation,” Kahana said. “It’s about connecting with nature, connecting with others and, most importantly, connecting with yourself. People come here with their battery at 10 percent and leave with it full – at 100 percent.”
OneFamily brought therapists to the retreat as well. The widows were divided into three groups based on the ages of their children. There were three therapeutic sessions over the weekend, which was only for the widows themselves.
Throughout the weekend, OneFamily gave the women little treats – chocolate, a sweatshirt, cookies – to make them feel special. Some of the most important healing happened in the informal conversations that took place among the women in their free time. There was a lot of laughter together, as well as tears.
“OneFamily makes my heart full because you see there are people working 24/7 just doing good and trying to comfort us,” Cohen said. “It’s like a big hug that gives you strength.”
OneFamily, a unique community of professionals, volunteers, and supporters standing together to rekindle love and restore hope, is a nonprofit organization recognized in Israel, the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom. As a non-governmental organization, it is funded through private donations from around the world.■
The writer was a guest of OneFamily in Cyprus.
